Judgy Jump Rope

Honestly what were you even thinking bringing me to work.

HELLO? IS SOMEONE OUT THERE? Oh, thank Obama you're here. I've been cramped in here for 19 jump rope years (that’s six human months) and I’m concerned I’m no longer in season. The leaves have changed, and that doesn't bode well for jump ropes. If I haven't integrated my way into your routine by September, there's a slim-to-zero chance that I'll be let out a day before April. I want to stretch and twist and watch your knees deteriorate from jumping on concrete. That's why you adopted me, right? To ruin your knees? I'm also great at making you look like a dynamic and motivated athlete and not just some weirdo alone at the park on a Thursday morning, Stephanie.

• Aggressively cute carrying case
• Gender neutral 
• Vegan
• You got to roll with the punches and get to what's real
• Might as well jump (jump!)